Doggie Tales
by Zetta
Summary: Lily talks to Snuffles, Snuffles talks to James, Lily talks to Severus, & James gets embarrassed. A fluffy little thing. Complete! Pre-OotP!


Doggie Tales...  
Disclaimer: Fortunately for all of you, they are not really mine. They belong to the Goddess JKR... :o)   
Summary: Lily talks to Snuffles, Snuffles talks to James, Lily talks to Severus, & James gets embarrassed.   
Rating: Nothing sirius, don't worry! PG-13 for a tiny bit of swearing.

Sitting out watching the lake, Lily figured that this was the prettiest place in all of Scotland.

She just wished she had someone to share it with. Someone like James.

A movement caught her eye, and she looked down to the edge of the forest, where a large black dog was sniffing at the base of the tree, his tail wagging happily. 

She whistled softly, and the dog looked up. Its tail stopped wagging and it stared at her, frozen.

Worried, she stood up, wondering if the dog was hurt or something, and that was why he was so afraid. "Come here, doggie," she called, and whistled again. She tentatively approached it, figuring it would run away if it was too scared of her.

The dog slowly walked towards her and sniffed at her outstretched hand. She patted his head, and its tail wagged. "Hey," she murmured, crouching down by it. "You're a sweet little thing, aren't you?"

The dog licked her hand. She smiled. "You wanna come sit with me?" she asked. "Or have you got someone who's looking for you?"

The dog licked her hand again, and she returned to her blanket, smiling when she saw the dog trailing after her. She sat down and patted the blanket in front of her. To her surprise, the dog sat there, wagging his tail. She smiled and began to pet its back. "You're beautiful, aren't you?" she cooed, smiling when the dog's tail began wagging even faster. "I bet all the girl dogs are wild for you."

She'd have sworn the dog grinned at her. Shaking her head, she rubbed between his ears.

The dog laid down, resting his head and front paws in her lap. His tail thumped on the blanket as though she'd just given him a doggie treat.

"All males should be like you," she told him with amusement. "Wag their tail and you know what they're thinking. Stupid boys and their friends." She wrinkled her nose. "I don't suppose you decipher boy talk, do you?"

The dog looked up at her with such an adorable expression that she laughed. "I should turn James into a dog and figure him out that way. You're easy enough. You want your back scratched and your belly rubbed, and you're all set. If James were a dog, he'd probably be that easy too, don't you think?"

The dog's tail thumped and he seemed oddly pleased considering she wasn't petting him as much. He rolled on his side.

She rubbed his underside with amusement. "See what I mean? Easy."

The dog licked her leg, then rolled over on his back. She laughed and wiped at the dog slobber. "You like that?" She rubbed his belly some more. "And even better than being James the person," she continued with amusement. "You don't even care about Quidditch. Take you for a walk, leave a bowl of food out in the morning, let you out in the afternoon, and rub your belly at night, and you're all set. Maybe I'll see if there's a spell to turn males into dogs..."

The dog seemed to be giving her a look of amusement.

"Oh, all right," she sighed. "I know I'm being ridiculous. But honestly, how am I supposed to figure him out? First he kisses me, and then he looks at me like I'm insane and says he's sorry and he didn't mean it and runs off and now he won't even talk to me. I ought to just slap him."

The dog's tail wagged. She barely noticed. "It's not like I didn't kiss him back or anything. He's such a twerp, you know? I wish he'd just get over whatever his problem is and kiss me again." She smiled a little. "He's a good kisser, you know? Between how he kissed me and what Sam said about how he kissed her, it's easy to understand why everybody likes him so much..." She stopped petting the dog, a horrible thought going through her. "Maybe it's me! Maybe I'm a really bad kisser, and that's why he stopped kissing me."

The dog gave her a look that had to be described as irritated.

She sighed and began petting him again. "Sorry. But what if that's it? What if he just thinks I'm a really bad kisser, and that's why he doesn't want to go out with me? Maybe I should find a guy to snog and get them to teach me what to do." She groaned. "I'm so pathetic. Listen to me. If he thinks I'm such a bad kisser, then he'll get over himself. It's not like I've had a lot of practice, I thought that was something guys liked with a girl, isn't it?" She scowled. "Of course, you probably want to mate with any girl dog that wags her tail at you, don't you?"

She sighed and laid back on the blanket. The dog crawled on top of her and then sat next to her, resting his head on her breast. She smiled at it, scratching between his ears "Maybe I should ask Sirius or Remus what they think." The dog wagged his tail. "Or maybe I could ask Sirius to help me. But he might make fun of me, and then I couldn't ever speak to him again. And not to mention, he's James's best friend. That might make things kind of awkward if we ever were to get together." She grinned at the thought of it.

"I wish I could figure out what James is thinking though," she murmured. "At least then... Well, I'd know if it was worth sticking around for. You think he is?"

The dog licked her face, standing up and rubbing his face against her chest. She laughed and began petting it again, sitting up and scratching behind his ears.

The dog groaned and pressed against her. "Does that feel good?" she cooed. "You're such a sweet little darling, aren't you?"

Looking as though he were in ecstasy, the dog rolled over and she began rubbing his belly, scratching lightly with her fingernails. His tail wagged wildly.

"Lily?"

The dog froze for a moment, then rolled over, his tail between his legs and his head lowered guiltily.

Lily looked over her shoulder as James and Remus approached, both looking very worried about something. 

She looked away. Remus, she could deal with, but she didn't know exactly how to handle James.

James and his stupid no good kiss and run and make a girl worry thing.

"Hi," she said when they came around in front of her. Remus glanced at her, then at James, then at the dog. "Um..."

"Where'd you find the dog?" James asked, sounding oddly uneasy.

She frowned at him. "He was over there, and I called him over. What's it to you?"

"Have you been talking to it?" James asked. He was staring at the dog with a very odd expression, and looked as though he dreaded the answer.

The dog's tail wagged.

Lily gave him and Remus a puzzled look. "What?"

James swore and turned away. "I'm going to kill him," he said, his voice sounding strange. "He's not supposed to- If I'd have done it, he'd have gone ballistic-"

"Jim, shush up," Remus said, and patted him on the shoulder once. "Lily, it's really complicated, but this is our dog, and no one's supposed to know that, and he's not supposed to be over here at all."

The dog wagged his tail once, whimpering slightly.

"Why on Earth would you have a secret dog?" Lily asked slowly.

"It's Sirius's," James answered, turning around. His jaw was clenched. "And when I find Sirius," he said, looking at the dog. "I'm going to beat the bloody hell out of him."

The dog whimpered and went to Lily's side, nuzzling her chest.

"Snuffles," Remus said sharply. 

James went white in the face. "Remus, take care of it or I swear I'll-" He cut himself off and turned and took a few steps towards the lake.

The dog licked Lily's face, whimpering more. 

Lily was growing concerned. There was something very odd going on here.

Remus smiled tersely at her. "Okay, the truth is, he's not really ours. But we snuck out a while back and found him in a backyard, and he was being mistreated, so we started bringing him food, but today he got out, and now we've got to get him back before his owner finds out. We think we've got a new home for him, but if the current owner thinks he's a runaway dog, he might just... well, it might get ugly."

Lily was horrified. "And you're sending him back?!"

James snorted and turned around. "You're not helping matters, Lupin, and you're a pathetic liar."

Lily stood up, beyond a little irritated now.

The dog cowered behind her, his nose cold against her calves.

James gritted his teeth. "I'll count to three, _Snuffles_, and then it's all over, understand?"

The dog whimpered and began to slink away from her. 

"James Potter and Remus Lupin, if one of you doesn't tell me the truth right now, I'm going to beat you both senseless."

The dog's tail wagged and he looked hopeful. 

James crossed his arms. Remus sighed. "You want the truth?"

"Yes."

"The whole truth?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, fine." Remus closed his eyes, rubbing them. "Damn it." He opened his eyes again and looked sharply at them. "What day is it?"

"Monday," Lily answered, irritated."

"Monday?" Remus repeated. "Son of a- It's a full moon, I can't be out here. Lily! You better get inside, hurry!"

Lily snorted. "Nice try, Lupin. That's Thursday, and it's only three in the afternoon."

Remus frowned.

The dog whimpered pathetically.

James sighed. "Snuffles, go home _now_." He pointed towards the woods.

Lily glared at him. "Would you leave that dog alone, James Potter?"

"Lily, let me explain this to you," James said. "And I'm sorry for getting so upset, but I'm very angry right now because this isn't the first time that Sirius has done this."

Remus grabbed his arm, his face chalk white. "James, you can't tell-"

"Sirius uses the dog. He knows some a recording spell, and uses the dog to get close to people. People like to talk to dogs, and he's found out a lot of things that way." James looked grim.

Lily had a very bad feeling, and knew her face was growing as pale as Remus's. She looked at him. "I-is that true?"

Remus's mouth moved a few times, then he signed and nodded. "I didn't want to tell you because, well, it would be-"

"Where's Sirius?" Lily asked sharply.

The dog whimpered.

James looked very faintly amused, very faintly furious. "Oh, I'd say he's probably running for my invisibility cloak right now. Too bad he'll never find it. Or maybe he's trying to find Peter to get the map- too bad Peter's in detention with McGonagall, and he won't get that either."

"Jim," Remus said. "Me and Lily will go look for him. Whoever finds him, bring him to the Great Hall, using whatever force is necessary. You take Snuffles back to his place and then join the search. All right?"

Lily hesitated, not liking the look Remus and James exchanged. "Where's Snuffles from?"

"Hogsmeade," James answered at the same time that Remus said "Hagrid's." They looked at each other. "Hagrid's friend in Hogsmeade," James said.

Lily frowned at him.

James cleared his throat and snapped his fingers. "Come on, _Snuffles_, let's go."

The dog whimpered, his head still drooping.

Remus carefully grabbed Lily's arm. "Come on, he can't have gone far. I'll check in the Tower and the kitchens, you check in the dungeon and Myrtle's and anywhere else you can think of.

She nodded reluctantly. "Tell Sirius if he says a word that I'll bloody well kill him."

"As soon as I see him, I'll tell him," Remus assured her. His eyes were twinkling.

Lily had the feeling she was missing something rather big.

But what else could she do?

She glanced back at James and Snuffles, who were just now getting to the forest. The dog looked back at her, his head still lowered and his tail not wagging.

Lily had the strangest feeling she would see him again.

---------*

"I'm going to kill you, Sirius," James hissed as they walked into the woods. He led the way up the path, heading towards the clearing they had discovered many months ago. "I can't believe you did this. You know how I feel- How could you do this to me? To her? You're such a bloody arse hole."

Snuffles whimpered, then paused behind a tree on the outskirts of the little clearing. James sighed and glanced around. "It's clear."

Snuffles turned into Sirius, who stood up and rolled his neck and stretched. He didn't say anything, but crossed his arms and looked at James, looking torn between amusement, irritation, and a little bit of worry.

James glared. "Well?"

"You kissed her and left her?"

James flushed and dove at him.

Sirius didn't quite escape and they fell on the ground, wrestling and punching each other. James was absolutely furious, probably the only reason he had an advantage.

James managed to pin him down rather quickly, holding him by the throat, and Sirius gagged dramatically. "You going to kill me now?" Sirius asked, and shoved James's hand off him. "Honestly, Potter," he said as James stood up. "If you'd have snogged her properly-"

"Shut the bloody-" James cut himself off and turned away, his hands clenched in fists. "You had no right to do that, Sirius, none at all."

Sirius snorted. "I was looking out for your best interests. Both of yours, actually. You're my best mate, but she's a nice girl, and I wanted to make sure it'd be okay first."

"It's not your job to do that!" James snapped.

"But you're too much of a goody-boy to do it, so I did it for you. Now, you've got a guilt-free way of finding out exactly what she was thinking after you made a prat of yourself."

James sent a very rude gesture his way. Sirius grinned. "Admit it, Jamie, you're curious."

James glared at him.

"I'm not going to tell you then," Sirius said, smirking. "You'll never know that Lily thinks that- oh, that's right, you'll never know."

"I hate you," James said, sounding quite serious.

Sirius sighed. "Yes, I know. So. You going to ask?"

"No," James said at once. Then he glared. "Hell, yes. What?"

"What what?" Sirius asked with a twisted grin.

"What did she say?" James snarled.

Sirius leaned against a tree. "She said..." He changed his voice to a girlish one. "Oh, I wish James were a dog, because then I' could just rub his belly and he'd love me and everything would be sunshine and roses!"

"Sirius-" James growled.

Sirius sighed. "Do you think I'd lie?"

"Do you want an honest answer?"

Sirius decided it wasn't worth the hassle to tell him that part was true. "Oh, I don't know what that stud muffin means," he said, fluttering his eyelashes. "He kissed me and then he ran off. He's such a good kisser... Oh, but what if I'm not? Maybe I should ask Sirius to teach me how, and that way I'll know it's not that."

"Black!" James said harshly.

Sirius gave him an irritated look. "If you knew, Potter," he said, then sighed. Once more, James would never believe him. He continued on in his feminine voice. "I wish I could figure out what James was thinking, because then I would know if I should stick around or accept Severus's offer!" He lost the feminine voice. "And then you lot came along, and that was that."

James was pale. "Snape? Snape offered her something? What, a date? A snog? I'll kill him first! She wouldn't accept, would she?"

Sirius seriously considered telling him the truth- that that was the made up part. Then he decided against it. He gave James what he hoped was a concerned look, hiding his grin. "I don't really know... She sounded like she wasn't joking, but..."

James began pacing and running his fingers through his hair, managing to mess it up even worse than normal. Sirius had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing, then recovered and shrugged. "I hope she doesn't really down to the dungeons," Sirius said casually. "You know, Snape's down there, and she's probably pretty emotional right now... Well, I don't _think_ she'd say yes, but really, you never know..."

He'd never seen James run quite that fast before.

Satisfied with himself, Sirius began whistling and took off after him, planning on watching with great joy.

---------*

"Have you seen Sirius Black?" Lily asked Severus Snape when she ran into him in the hall, just outside the Potions' room.

Snape snorted. "Fortunately, I haven't had that misfortune today. Why? Have you come to your senses and realized it's time to hex him?"

Lily scowled. "Oh, I'd say that's a good way to put it. The next time I see that idiot...He'll wish he'd never heard of me."

Snape stared. "Really?"

"Yes, really. That-that insufferable _prat_ just- he's awful, and I'm going to-to do something _awful_ to him!"

Snape looked like Christmas had come early. "I could offer you a few suggestions," he said smoothly, smirking.

Lily smirked back. "Would you be so kind? I'm looking for something painful."

"Well..."

---------*

James was out of breath by the time he got down the stairs, and slowed to a fast jog as he turned the last corner towards the Potions room. Lily was there- with Snape.

She laughed and smiled. "Oh, Severus, that's a wonderful idea! I could kiss you!"

"Lily! _Nooooo_!" James took off running again and pushed them apart, sending Snape sprawling on the ground, and Lily flying into the wall behind her.

"Ow!" Lily cried.

Snape glared at him. 

They both looked at him as though he were insane.

"Lily, you can't do it."

"James Potter, you are such a twerp! Who are you to say what I can and can't do? Especially with the way _you_ behave!"

She was glaring at him, absolutely furious, her hands on her hips and her breathing unsteady. "Are you all right, Severus?" she asked.

Snape continued to glare at James as he tried to get up. "I think so."

Lily took his hand and helped him stand.

James stared at them in horror, and a strange sound came out of his mouth.

Lily and Severus stared back at him, Lily's hand still on his.

"Oh Merlin, I'm too late!" James sank to the floor and covered his face. "What did I do to deserve this?" he moaned. "Not him, anyone but him. Even Sirius is better than him. Or Remus. Or Peter. Or hell, Dumbledore!"

"James," Lily said sharply.

He peeked at her.

She slapped him twice. "Snap out of it!"

He stared at her as she looked down at him. Snape stood a few feet back, looking very confused.

"Lily, please, don't do it," he begged, grabbing her hand. "I'm sorry I'm such a prat, and I didn't mean to make you think anything bad, but I just got freaked out because I didn't know if you wanted to kiss or not, and so I got scared and took off, and please, don't snog Sirius and don't go out with _him_, I think I'd kill myself!"

He finished it with a tortured look at Lily.

Snape started to laugh.

"Are you finished?" Lily asked James, sounding irritated. Very irritated.

He nodded slightly.

"Good. Listen to me very carefully, because I'm only going to say this one time." She held up a finger to demonstrate, then returned her hand to her hip. "First. You _are_ a prat. Second. I wanted you to kiss me. Third. I'm certainly _not_ going to snog Sirius. Fourth. I'm not going out with Severus- and where on _Earth_ did you get that idea? Fifth. You're _not_ going to kill yourself. Sixth. _I'm_ going to kill Sirius. And last, absolutely _none_ of this is ever going to leave this corridor, do you understand me Severus?" 

Snape was laughing too hard to hear her, and fell back against the wall, his shoulders shaking with mirth.

Lily sighed. "Is every boy in this school absolutely _insane_?"

"You're not going out with him?" James dared to ask.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Of course not. He's just a friend."

Snape seemed to find this even funnier, and sank to the floor, laughing even harder.

Lily sighed heavily and walked over to him. "Can you understand me, Severus?"

Snape laughed even harder and pointed at James, tears of mirth running down his face. "Good," Lily said, taking that for a yes. "Then I don't ever want to hear about this little... incident ever again. Understand?"

He laughed harder.

She must have taken that as a yes too, because she straightened and nodded. "Good. Now, James. I don't know where you came up with such silly ideas from, but stand up and straighten up and help me find Sirius right now."

Weak with relief, he managed to nod. Lily had to pull him to his feet, and they walked away quickly.

Just around the corner, Lily stopped him and gave him an irritated look. "I haven't changed my mind."

He looked warily at her. "About what?"

She sighed impatiently. "Wanting you to kiss me?"

"Oh! O-oh. Um. Yeah. T-that part." Terror gripped him and he suddenly couldn't move.

She scowled and pulled his mouth down to meet hers.

It was a decent second kiss, and the ending this time came when they heard strange laughter from down the hall. They pulled apart and looked at each other, then started down the hall to investigate.

Sirius was sitting at the end of the stairs, laughing so hard he was crying.

Lily crossed her arms. James glared.

Sirius stopped laughing and turned and ran.

---------*

It was quite a lovely day, Minerva McGonagall decided, settling down on the lawn in front of the castle. And this had to be one of the prettiest places in Scotland. 

She just wished she had someone to share it with. Someone like Albus...

A movement caught her eye and she looked down to the edge of the forest, where a large black dog was sniffing at the base of a tree, his tail wagging stiffly as he looked over at her...

A short while later, as the dog licked her face, it's tail still wagging stiffly, Minerva wondered why James Potter and Lily Evans were laughing so hard.

Happy Snogging to All! :o)  
(Or at least those of you lucky enough to have someone to snog!)


End file.
